11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He did a backflip because drugs
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
