Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
