Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize