I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need to calm my uterus...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize