We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
