youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
