my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
