he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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