Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
