All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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