the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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