wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
