I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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