then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
