When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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