so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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