I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
