Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
