Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
