At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
operation harelip BJ is a go
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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