Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
