If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
