whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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