I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
