I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize