Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize