he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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