Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
