Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
