my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
