I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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