he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
