My brain says no but my pants say off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
