So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
