So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
