She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
