Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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