the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
