our cab driver is having phone sex.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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