Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize