There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
