It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
