Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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