Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
