Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
