I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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