I just saw a hot homeless man
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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