There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
