dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize