kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
