Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
