dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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