Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
