I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
