listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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