i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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