I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
