I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
