i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
