i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
