I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
