Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
foreskin is a definite game changer
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
