Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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