Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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