is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
