i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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