I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
