oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
