I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
