Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i dont even know how to be here
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
