Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
