shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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