I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
