Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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