I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
