Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
