I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
