So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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