I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
