im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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