Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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