HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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