YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
