the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
