i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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