M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
