woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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