Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
