i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
