yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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