I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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