I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize