Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
