Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
