You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
