I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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