i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
