Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
