Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
