I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
